


Dreaming awake

by laireshi



Category: Marvel 616, New Avengers (Comics)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fandom Stocking 2016, Hallucinations, Happy Ending, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-14 22:05:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9205190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laireshi/pseuds/laireshi
Summary: “I don’t know what is real,” Steve whispers. “I only know I want this to be, Tony.”





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Muccamukk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Muccamukk/gifts).
  * Translation into 中文 available: [Dreaming awake](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9915113) by [Celeste_030](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celeste_030/pseuds/Celeste_030)



> Happy Holidays!
> 
> You wanted Steve angst, I hope this delivers :)
> 
> There's a Chinese translation available [here](http://www.weibo.com/ttarticle/p/show?id=2309404065263648674631) or [here](http://www.mtslash.org/forum.php?mod=redirect&goto=findpost&ptid=220940&pid=4186466). Thanks to [celestewuu](http://celestewuu.tumblr.com/)!

When they finally find him, Steve’s curled up in the far corner of the cell. He doesn’t seem to recognize Tony, shudders when Tony steps into the cell. Tony frowns.

“Steve,” he says.

Steve whimpers and tries to shuffle away, but he's already at the wall.

Tony freezes mid-step.

He scans Steve’s form with his armour, but it doesn’t show him any serious injuries—some bruises that should heal in a couple of hours, but that’s all.

Steve’s only be gone for two days. What happened to him? And _why couldn’t Tony find him earlier_?

He _has to_ scoop Steve up and carry him away, but he can’t force himself to step forward when Steve’s so obviously terrified.

Tony flips up his faceplate to try again. “Steve, it’s me,” he says.

Steve’s shivering now. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, and it sounds like a sob.

Tony can’t take it. He closes his faceplate, takes a deep breath. He’s got no idea what’s going on, but he can’t break down now. “Marvel, you nearby?”

“Just finished checking the other rooms,” Ms. Marvel says on the comms.

“Can you—I think Steve’s scared of me,” Tony says, the words like ashen on his tongue. “But he needs medical attention, and—can you get him to a hospital?”

There’s a brief pause. “Sure thing,” Ms. Marvel says finally. “He’s a tough guy, Tony, he’ll be fine.”

Easy to say, when Carol hasn't seen Steve yet.

Tony backs off, slowly gets out of the cell. The rest of the New Avengers gather around him, but he shakes his head at everyone, wordlessly, until Carol flies back in. Her, he lets in the cell.

The team is new. Whatever it is—Steve should feel safe with Carol. And the rest of them . . . Wolverine’s claws are extended and covered in blood. Clearly they took care of everyone here.

Tony doesn’t even mind.

He tries not to listen to what Ms. Marvel’s saying. Then, finally, what feels like ages later, Ms. Marvel walks out, carrying Steve. Steve’s eyes are closed, but he’s breathing.

“Later,” Ms. Marvel says, just that, and Spider-Woman blasts at the window at the end of the corridor, making way for her. Then Ms. Marvel is flying, Steve in her arms.

“Come on,” Spider-Woman says to Tony. “You look like you need to go home.”

Perhaps, Tony thinks. “You called SHIELD, right?”

“Who do you take us for?” Luke asks. “But the people we found, they don’t know anything. We'll wait for the agents.”

“Come on,” Spider-Woman repeats. “Iron Man. Tony. I’ll take you to the Tower and go back to get the rest of the team.”

Tony nods.

***

He can’t focus on anything but Steve.

He can’t even work on his armour. He wants a drink. His hand twitches—but no. He won’t.

His team seems to be handling the _someone kidnapped our team leader_ situation way better than Tony. But then, they haven’t been in a relationship with Steve for years.

Tony closes his eyes tight. He needs to know what is wrong with Steve, and what they did to him, and _how to fix it_.

A call from Carol almost makes him jump.

“He’s okay,” she says before Tony asks.

Tony inhales slowly. “But . . . ?” he asks, dreading the answer.

“Look, Tony,” Carol says. “I think you should come here.”

“He’s scared of me!” And it bloody _hurts_ , though not as much as the knowledge that he _can’t_ help Steve right now does.

Carol sounds sad. “No. He’s scared of himself.” She takes a deep breathe. “They—they didn’t hurt him, physically. They injected him with an experimental drug—it causes hallucinations. Very real. He thinks he killed you. So yes, Tony, you should come here, and you should, _very calmly_ , explain.”

Tony can’t breathe. They did _what_ to Steve?!

He drives to the hospital as fast as he can.

***

Steve doesn’t shake at his sight this time. He only tenses, his expression closing down in a second.

Tony hates to see it.

“I’m so—” Steve whispers, or tries to, because Tony interrupts him.

“No,” he says. “ _I’m sorry_ , Steve. We should’ve found you sooner. So I’m sorry. And, as you can see, I’m also very much alive. You didn’t hurt me. Which is obvious, because I know you’d _never_ hurt me.”

Steve shakes his head. “Carol told me that. And—I love you, Tony. My head, it’s all foggy, but I know that. I love you. But—what I saw . . .”

Tony bites on his lips. “Can I come closer?”

Steve nods, finally, after a few seconds.

Tony walks forward until he’s standing close enough he could touch Steve—or, more exactly, Steve could touch Tony.

“Come on,” Tony says. “Take my hand.”

Steve does, but his touch is barely there, as if he’s worried Tony will disappear when he blinks.

“I’m here,” Tony says. “I love you.”

Steve looks up at him, and he looks dangerously fragile. Tony knows Steve's not always as self-assured as everyone thinks Captain America is—he's seen him in the first weeks after they found him, after all. But this terrible uncertainty is just _wrong_. “If I ever hurt you—Tony, I couldn’t live with myself.”

Tony shoves his emotions aside. It’s Steve who’s important here. “I know,” Tony says quietly. “But you didn’t hurt me. You didn’t hit me, you certainly didn’t kill me.”

“I remember doing just that,” Steve says, his fingers twitching. Tony never stops holding his hands.

“I remember many things, too,” Tony says. “Sure, we both have enough in our day lives to feed nightmares for the next few centuries. But the true nightmares, Steve? The ones born from fear, not memories? Those I couldn’t fight without you.”

“It wasn’t a dream.”

“Scientifically speaking, it was.” Tony looks right into Steve’s eyes. “I’m here, so it couldn’t be reality. It was a dream. A very long, very cruel nightmare. And now you woke up. Okay?”

Steve’s shaking. “What if,” he says, “what if that _was_ the reality, and this is the dream?” he asks.

Tony looks at him. “Then, I suppose,” he says, “you should trust your heart on that. I’m real, Steve. I’ll never leave you.”

Steve surges forward and kisses him.

It’s delicate, really, like he’s still worried about hurting Tony. But he kisses him for a long time, and Tony returns every kiss just as gently.

“I don’t know what is real,” Steve whispers. “I only know I want _this_ to be, Tony.”

Tony holds his hands in both of his. “I’ll remind you every day, Steve. I love you. You’re with me. It’s real.”

He punctuates his words with kisses, to Steve’s hands, to his forehead, to his lips.

Once the drugs are totally out of Steve’s system and nothing more than a bad memory, Tony hopes Steve _will_ believe him completely, put it behind him. But even if he doesn’t . . . Tony loves Steve more than anything else in the world. They’ll get through it together.

“Thank you,” Steve whispers, and he’s so very gentle as he hugs Tony to his chest.

Tony hugs him back, and he doesn't let go.

He's not scared of Steve. He never will be. And he can be brave enough for them both, if Steve needs him to be.

"It's okay," Tony whispers, and Steve seems to settle.


End file.
